I read both the article that led to this article and this article as well. As a bisexual woman and the mother of two bisexual daughters, I found absolutely nothing offensive in the first or second article. :)

You continue to be a strong voice in an area where a strong voice is needed. Thank you for being there, Tully. You da bomb.

Tully,
The only "problem" I had with the first article was that it was a bit short. When I read it, I thought, "Oh boy...he's really going to have people misunderstand *that*." If you'd made it clearer that because you knew the girls in question, you'd seen behavior that made you doubt they were really bi, you probably wouldn't have had as much of a bad reaction. In my opinion, anyway.

I don't blame you for being frustrated over all the bashing you've gotten over this. Just please know that there are plenty of us that appreciate what you do. Sadly, it seems to be human nature for people to voice their opinion loudest when they are upset over something rather than when they are happy about what someone does for them. Did any of us directly ask you to devote so much of your time and sacrifice so much to these causes? No, but that doesn't change the fact that we have benefited from what you've done. I thank you for that, and I'm sure that there are others who feel the same way.

Chin up, Tully. This firestorm of attacks will pass.
Parrish

I think your original article is a we-bit harsh. And somewhat prejudicial. But only because you are lashing out at a particular group of people rather than looking at the issue in general. And I think you are missing an oppertunity.

Kids jump on trends. That is always going to happen. They jump on fashion trends, band trends, car trends and even college trends. That is a fact of life.

What you are missing however is the fact that you can take advatnage of this situation and educate rather than denegrate. It doesn't really help if you dismiss these people as being fake bisexual. Because dismissing their interest only breeds resentment towards you. And further makes them more closed off towards you ideas.

Perhaps they are not really bisexual. Perhaps they are. Perhaps they are simple exploring their sexuality. Teenagers lie. About a lot of things. They lie to themselves as well. Maybe that girl that said she was doing it because guys think its hot is far to afraid of her own feelings to express the truth. That she might find girls kind of sexy and she likes the feelings that she gets when she rubs up against another girl.

But you will never know that. And you will miss your oppertunity to bring her into the fold. You will miss your chance to expand her knowledge of gay/bi rights. Every teenager you see who even considers bisexuality is open minded enough to understand the need for gay rights. They just need to be nudged. Listened too rather than ridiculed.

That, I believe is where you mind needs to open.

Do you really think that if they can't admit something to themselves that they can admit it to you? Self delusion is a teenage passtime.

you only allowed them comment because people called you on it.

Would you have ever have gone back and asked them if your first article was well recieved?

I sent you an email... but for here I'd just encourage you to move on past this. It won't be the first time that someone misunderstands your words... thats part of life. The worst that can happen is they'll at least think about the topic... and thats good.

Just remember that people say a lot of useless stuff, so don't feel like you have to take it all in. If a wheat field has weeds mixed in, don't pick the weeds. Leave them behind to wither and die in their own useless way.

Facepalming and headdesking don't quite seem sufficient for the responses you got. Perhaps I should headwall instead.

I have read your rebuttal, and still disagree with you. Even though the girls in question have claimed to not really be bi, you still do not know for certain if they were lying then (when they said they were proud to be bi), or if they're lying now. You do not have access to the inside of their heads, hearts, bodies and feelings. Plus, how they have behaved in the past is not necessarily a sure fire way of determining whether or not they are lying.

I don't believe that they hurt the bi cause by claiming to be bi, even if they're not. You had an opportunity to educate, to celebrate the fact that bisexuality is becoming more accepted (as evidenced by their using bisexuality to attract men without fear of homophobia from the straight world), yet instead you chose to tear these young ladies down.

I am puzzled by the fact that you do not care about your grades and the fact that you may not be able to get into the college you want. You are speaking of your future because good grades and a good college are likely to help you be more comfortable in the future than you might otherwise have been. Also, good grades and a good school reflect better upon the glbt cause when you act as an advocate for our equality.

I did not ask you to martyr yourself for me, so no, you did not skip school and allow your grades to drop for me. I find your self-aggrandizement to be distasteful and disturbing. I have also found much of your attitude to be repeatedly dismissive and rude. I am saddened that someone who claims to work so hard for the glbt cause can so alienate those of us who might otherwise have supported you.

Ignorance gives the mainstream people the idea that bisexuality doesn't exist.

You call bs, but I say we'll have to agree to disagree.

I don't care what straight women use it for. It doesn't change my own orientation. When something becomes a fad, it typically has become more accepted within the mainstream, and thus the fad can be used a jumping off point to educate and broaden others' perspectives.

Relationships are based upon more than just sex. It will only create suspician between women until they get to know one another better, and at that point the relationship will either fail or succeed (or at least for a time) on it's own merits.

I'm not saying that fads are taken seriously, just that the fact that it may be a current fad demonstrates that bisexuality has made it into the mainstream conciousnes as something other than strictly deviant behaviour.

Of course men who are sexist and misogynistic (sp?) won't take bis seriously. They never will, even if no-one ever claimed they were bi simply to be "cool" or "trendy". Men like that don't take any woman seriously, regardless of orientation, intelligence, status and what-have-you.

that comment was directed to briar_witch.

I have said that what he has done in being an activist is commendable in other comments. I do feel however, that he focuses upon it a bit much when his ativisism in not, and was not, the point. I am also concerned that he will burn himself out with such a strong focus upon his activism. He needs to take time out for himself, and he needs to balance his schooling--his future--with his fight for equality. He does everyone a disservice by deliberately letting his current and future schooling slip. He will be of no help to anyone if he becomes so burned out from all his efforts.

I find it distasteful that he is using his activism as a shield when he was questioned about his seemingly snap judgement of two young ladies.

I re-read your previous piece just now. It does seem incomplete. I think it would have gotten a better reception if you'd explored the topic of bisexuality in more depth. I appreciate that you are open to discussing your views with readers. Hopefully more people will focus on your activism instead of your calling a classmate "trendy" (as if being called trendy is the worst thing that could ever happen to a person).

In my eyes, it is instructive to think of this experience as a process of "peer-review"...

Within the world of academia, articles are not publishable and theorems are not valid until they have been evaluated by the author's peers.. a process that, while potentially alienating, improves a work for the better.

In your process of peer-review, many things have become clear. For instance, you have learned that many bisexual people see the incidenece of "fake bisexuality" as far less troubling than the phenomenon where bisexual-identified persons get cross-examined and scrutinized by members of the broader gay community. Whether unintentional or not, this is the role that your article played, vis a vis its interrogation of your two blond classmates.

Don't take this particular critique as a repudiation of your character, of your commitment to the lgbt movement, or to your credentials as a gay activist. Take it as a LOUD suggestion that bisexual people are happier and better served by articles that celebrate sexual diversity, rather than articles that single out or invalidate the self-identifications of certain bisexual persons.

Moreover, I hope that you are not as discouraged by the college admissions as your article suggests-- frankly speaking, there are a lot of reasons to be hopeful. For one, the strength of your extracurricular activities and commitments will certainly be noted by admissions committees. Secondly, if you solicit strong letters of recommendations from teachers as well as your editors, admissions committees will get of sense of your achievement, as well as the reasons that your academic performance has changed over the years. Ask one of the recommenders that your trust (guidance counselor? close teacher?) to write a letter that speaks specifically to this regard. Finally, ace your tests. Hell, with that combination, you'll have a decent shot at places like Brown and Yale (my alma mater).

Finally, realize that many of the people who have spoken up about your article still have admiration for your writing and activism. We only ask that you humble yourself enough to reflect on how the feedback you're received may positively affect your thinking and your treatment of these subjects in future.

Respectfully Yours,
Chinyere

I traveled around the East Coast, making frequent visits to Richmond, Va.; Washington, D.C.; and New York City. What for? Myself? Not a chance. I did it for you, the person reading this article.

I think you did it for yourself, because you value equality more than what you've given up in the fight of which you are a part.

I did it because anyone in my position would have done it.

The second part is untrue and you should realize this. Most people would not do what you are doing. Most do not share your values and would be unwilling to give up their privacy, security, and free time.

It's a shame you received so much hate mail. It must be frustrating to write a piece only to have it twisted or misunderstood so badly.

Thanks for the clarification. Those girls confirmed your assessment of them but, to be honest, I'm still not so sure. Once you've established that someone is a liar- they've made two conflicting statements- you can't necessarily conclude that the first statement was a lie, and the later statement denying it was the truth. They might have said they were bi to get guys, like they said. Or they might have denied an attraction to women because they're not ready to come out for real. Time will tell.

This is the trouble with labels, anyway. All a label tells you is how someone labels themselves. It doesn't say a thing about actual behavior. You accused those girls of using the label, but that's what labels are for- to be used. We use them as a shorthand for our actual position, to associate with a community, to advertise our identity. And sometimes we use them to get laid.

I'm more concerned with biphobia within the LGBT community than I am with our tendency to tear down our leaders. You got a rough response from that orginal article, but I think it was warranted. IMO, the core problem is *still* that young bisexual women are assumed to be lying about their orientation. The assumption is a problem, even if it's occasionally true. Howabout just giving everyone the benefit of the doubt?

You want these girls to stop saying they're bi? If people start treating them like they actually are, I bet they'll stop.

Three pages and you missed the point...

let me spell it out... again. Who are you to tell those girls if they are queer enough to join your club? Dispite your later conversations with them (that I doubt would have happened if it wasn't for the storm your first artical casused) you really have no idea which was the lie.

Can you say with 100% certinty that what you actually saw wasn't one girl testing a friend to see if she was bi-friendly? When I was coming out of the closet I would frequently test the water with friends and family to see what kind of reation to expect. If some guy I knew knew who I was came up to me right afterwards and started interogating my sexuality I would have clammed up and claimed to be straight to prevent my sexuality from becoming public.

Gathering from the fact that you turned around and posted this for the world to see their caution at telling you the truth is well justified if one of them is infact bi. You have NO idea who reads this, one, or both of the girls could have seen that article... for all you know I could be one of those girls. How would you have felt, when you were still coming to terms with who you were, still in the closet, if "some guy" came up to you at school and said that he was evesdropping on you and just posted your sexuality all over the net for countless thousands to read?


No, dispite all your "I am a saint and can do no wrong" fallicies, I still call your article insulting.

I respond with reservation becuase I feel as though you're not going to take my criticism seriously, just shrug it off as another misunderstanding. Please don't take this an an attack, because it isn't... can you (please) put your defences down and really try to understand the point a number of us are trying to say? I have read both articles a number of times and I do not feel that you have taken the time to truly understand the problem people have with your first acticle and respond to the concerns that have arisen.

I don't think you're a bad person. I realize you put a lot of time and effort into things that you feel are worth fighting for. I knew this before reading the 2nd article as you've mentioned it a number of times. I don't think you're intentionally trying to cause harm or any ill-will. I also know that you do think that bisexuality exists, and again, I knew this before your 2nd article so the purpose of the 2nd one is still kinda ambiguous, imo.

That said, you still seem to have an elitest tone of voice and you're still trying to justify why it is that you know for sure that these girls are stright when NO ONE can know for sure, only them. At the same time as you say you're sticking up for the LBGT cause, you seem to say that it is a privledge and there's somehow a certain way you have to look and act in order to be part of that cause. If you didn't think looks had something to do with it, then WHY would you go so far as to mention the colour of their teeth, and what they were wearing? The fact that you at least particially based you opinion of them on the way they look (or at the very least tried to defend your position using how they looked) is sadening.

I did not ask these girls to prove to anyone else but me

Why do these girls have to prove anything to you? And how can you tell for sure if what they say is really what they feel in their heart? First they say they are bisexual, and then they say they arn't... they could be 1)confused about their sexuality 2) Completely lying one of the two times, or 3) just playing you as a fool, whether or not they've read this article.

This article did nothing to address the concerns I had with the previous article.

I've been reading Tully's articles over time because I'm AMAZED at what a 17 year old is willing to do for the LGBT community. If you don't agree with what he writes, you can voice your concerns WITHOUT tearing HIM, the AUTHOR down. For Christ's SAKE! He's a 17 year old "kid" - why do you expect him to be PERFECT? Were YOU perfect when YOU were 17? Were YOU even DOING anything like he is/has been doing when YOU were 17? It's SO easy to sit in front of your computer and bitch, bitch, BITCH if someone doesn't say something EXACTLY the way you think and feel, but it's a WHOLE different story when you are OUT there on the front line confronting and dealing personally with those that are making life difficult for the LGBT community!

SHAME on all of you bitchy people tearing Tully personally for not being your "perfect Messiah" for the LGBT community! At least he's freaking TRYING to do something, and all he seems to hear back is bitching, criticizing, and complaining because he isn't saying things EXACTLY the way YOU would like him to. Here's an idea - YOU go out there and do the same work YOURSELF!!!!

All you're doing in the process now is hurting, NOT helping Tully to develop his activism/communication skills. In the process of tearing him to shreds, you'll end up driving him away from even WANTING to put himself in harms way for all of you "armchair activists" and then you'll have one less person out there FIGHTING and voicing for OUR rights. I don't blame Tully if he just throws up his hands and says, "FUCK ALL OF YOU!" and walks away from activism and moves on with his OWN personal life - just like the majority of the LGBT community already does. As usual, 10% of the people do 90% of the work, and the rest of the leeches sit around and BITCH because those 10% of the people aren't doing enough or doing things the way they think THEY would if THEY ever got off their asses and put themselves in the spotlight (which is NOT a "glorious" or even enjoyable position to be in, I might add).

I can say these things from personal experience as I have been in similar positions fighting for LGBT rights and other issues, much like Tully. I've tried sending him an email of encouragement every now and then because I know from personal experience that MOST of the time all you hear are the NEGATIVE comments from people. It's like going to a restaurant and you have a good experience an you might tell 2-3 people. Have a BAD experience and you'll tell 10-15!

Fucking-EH, people! If YOU think you can do SUCH a better job than Tully, then GO out there and DO SO!!!!

When you say that what you do is "what anyone else would have done", I wish that were true. I wish more people were like you. I wish I could have been half as brave when I was 17, or even now.

TO: All you folks criticizing- what have you done lately? Quit yer bitchin' and get involved. There's an election coming up. Can you help out with a campaign of a sympathetic candidate? Can you volunteer for rides to the polls? Are you writing letters to the editor of your local paper? Let's take some of the load off of Tully so he can focus on his future.

Obviously raging_tiggy has a serious axe to grind with Tully because s/he has felt the need to CONTINUE to rant and has posted EIGHT times now. Get your OWN freaking soapbox if you feel the need to be in some kind of spotlight. What a self-centered hag (no matter WHAT gender s/he is)!

I think you also put WAY too much importance on Tully's online only posting for the Advocate. Not EVERY LGBT person gives a crap about the Advocate. If you don't think Tully's good enough to contribute an op-ed, then YOU do one if YOU think you can do so much better.

You are certainly coming across as the kind of WHACK-JOB that just can NOT let something go. You are obsessing about something, whether appropriate or not, is more of a mole hill than the mountain you are making it out to be. It's obvious you just need to BITCH!

Like a previous poster said, go out and DO something substantial that will make a difference other than just sitting in front of your computer BITCHING. At least Tully is willing to go out there and MAKE a mistake. All you seem to be willing to do is point fingers, criticize and BITCH! GET OVER IT!!!!

Here's "mud" in your eye, BITCH! Now move on with your life.

Keep up the great work! Great blog u have here!!!
Roy

http://www.xanga.com/wehoroy